Top Ten Most Annoying Things

I've always been known to be some what negative and judgemental so I thought I would make a whole list of all the things I absolutely can't stand, to the point where I want to rip off my arm and staple my head. 

1. People that talk loudly on the phone on public transport

This usually happens when its rush hour which makes it all the more annoying. The culprits of this are usually fat, balding business men who are yelling to their fellow fat, balding business friends about how they snorted coke of a lap dancers bare arse, when in actual fact they were at home wanking into their sock. 

2. People that are offended by swearing

I remember being in drama class in senior school and I was paired up with this girl to do some sort of performance. In the script was the word 'bitch' and whilst we were performing to the rest of the school she just stood cross armed with a face like a slapped arse when it came to her saying her line. Now if I was to sum up this girl in one word it would be bitch.

3. The word 'cheeky'

I don't know where this word came about but only in the last few years it has been used to describe every single thing going. You will usually find the word cheeky being used by 'lads' dressed in Ibiza Rocks vests accompanied by a shit tribal tattoo and lots of fake tan. Things that are usually described as cheeky: Nandos, nights out, a drink, Nandos, Nandos. 

4. People that eat with their mouth full

I do not need to go into any detail about how fucking disgusting this is. If I see one more grown adult giving me a good view of their prawn sandwich being thrown around in their mouth I will nut someone. 

5. Gwyneth Paltrow

I don't know why I have so much hate for this celebrity but I don't really question it much. I'll name a few examples anyway, she says water has feelings, she would rather smoke crack than eat packaged cheese and she loves anything that comes from a hot dog bun except hot dogs. What? I did sit and wonder how any self respecting man could stand this shit but then I realised she was married to Chris Martin.

6. People that share way too much on social media

There are a variety of absolute dickheads on social media but this takes the biscuit. If I know more about the way you feel in your relationship than your boyfriend, something is wrong. Yes I know you may love to share your news and problems but I really don't need a 5 minute update on my twitter feed about how amazing your orgasm was just now. Cringe.

7. Taking your top off in a public place

I don't give a shit if you're Brad Pitt but if you are taking off you top when its a mild 19 degrees outside then you seriously need to take a look in the mirror. I don't want to be walking around Tesco innocently shopping for my loaf and yoghurt to see a middle aged, over weight man with his nipples out. Give me grief.

8. Employers

If I hear I'm too over qualified or too under qualified for a job one more time I may become a prostitute. Us poor graduates can't seem to get a break with employers, leaving us to make weekly trips to the job centre to see our fellow 'job seekers' covered in their own vomit with heroin needles still in their arm.

9. Facebook

Slowly I have weened my way of this site purely because it seems to attract the wrong people. There's only a small handful of people that still use Facebook constantly and that's people that enjoy V Festival and people with babies. 

10. Katie Price's Vagina

Katie Price's vaginal escapades are hitting the front pages more than the war in Gaza at the moment. Her influence on the younger generation is why kids think Gaza being splashed over the news is something to do with Paul Gascoigne.