With the upsetting and unfortunate passing of Robin Williams last year, the subject of mental health hit an all time high. Everyone seemed to be discussing it, with many seeing it in a different light. But a handful of people were asking a bunch of bizarre questions. Why would he kill himself if he was so famous? But he was so rich? Everyone loved him? For people that suffer with mental health issues, like myself - we understand that it can effect absolutely anyone with no concern for wealth or success.
When my Dad left my Mum when I was in senior school I started feeling extremely uneasy with the way I was thinking. Quite rightly this may have been due to the effect their divorce had on me and my mental health issues developing from this, but maybe not. From the age of around 12 I was slowly showing signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - touching surfaces with my fingers all at the appropriate time, switching the lights off numerous amounts of times. Even my first proper relationship ended most likely due to the fact I asked him to check the oven 32 times in one night as I had a fear the house would set on fire. At this tender age you can imagine how scared I was, I couldn't stop the rituals - whether it was picking countless bits of fluff from my floor or telling myself to spell 'Hello' with my foot every time I went to the cinema to prevent my family member from dying. Crazy huh? As I grew older, depending on my stress levels and emotional relationships it would either get drastically better or horridly worse. I wouldn't get any sleep, jumping up and down from my bunk bed to examine the carpet, looking at all corners of the ceiling to make sure nothing was there. The impact of these rituals left me mentally and physically exhausted, to the point where I bravely visited the doctors in my early teens and embarrassingly explained things I was doing. It took a few appointments to fully own up to every little thing I was doing - so the doctor signed me up for a group session on OCD, which was something I had never heard of.
When I look back at this, I was really brave. At this point I was doing my exams at school, my Dad had left within the year or so and my mum was suffering heavily with depression. I had absolutely no idea what OCD was. I genuinely thought this was something only I was doing. Will they tell me off? Will they send me to the hospital? Will I go to a mental institution? Honestly, all these thoughts were whizzing through my head to the point where I nearly cancelled. Obviously I attended, I thought at this point I need all the help I can get, whether thats therapy or simply meeting others that are going through the same thing (if there were any?). Attending the meeting was probably the best thing that has happened for me, mental health wise. Not because I particularly enjoyed it or enjoyed putting myself out there and saying 'I HAVE PROBLEMS EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!', but because it was unbelievably reassuring to see other people suffering with this condition. I met people who couldn't drive even though they had a driving licence - because they were afraid they would hurt people. So therefore would walk or take the longer option of public transport to prevent the panic continuing. I met a man who had a couple of anti bacterial lotions in his pocket (just for the session), so he could wash his hands continuously. As a young girl, this scared the absolute crap out out of me - I thought my 'issues' were bad but it frightened me as I looked at it as my future.
I continued attending a few more classes and then decided to stop going. This wasn't because I gave up, I just didn't think group sessions were the way to go for me. Regardless, I felt that I got what I came for - which was meeting people with the same issue which helped more than any therapy could! Thankfully, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a condition that as time goes on is getting more attention and help surrounding it. It's actually estimated that around 12 in every 1,000 people in the UK are affected by the condition which may seem small but really it isn't.
The reason behind me sharing my experience with this condition is that regardless of the attention OCD is getting, I feel there is still a lack of support surrounding it. Whether you have a mental health issue or not, whether it's OCD or bipolar - talk about it, it helps more than anything. Even though I still suffer now, I got through it by having a really supportive family, friends and a boyfriend who are positive and open with me when I speak about 'taboo' subjects. We shouldn't be ashamed of our mental health issues so I plead that you talk about it more.
